I cried last night. Hard. Harder than I have in months. This year, 2020, has been full of loss after loss after loss. Big, small, in-between. They have all piled up into one giant mountain of hurt.
Loss of school.
Loss of routine.
Loss of playdates.
Loss of vacation with friends.
Loss of swim lessons and tumbling classes.
Loss of field trips.
Loss of MOPS.
Loss of a family member.
Loss of the dream of foster care; classes cancelled.
Loss of in-person church.
Loss of in-person small groups.
Loss of neighbors.
Loss of support, simply because of my husband’s job.
Loss of much of our church community, for the same reason.
Loss of life-long friends, the ride-or-die kind, again….for the same reason.
Loss of a sense of safety.
Loss of the freedom to grieve without criticism.
Loss of my freaking dishwasher, for crying out loud.
Loss of the first day of school.
I am guessing you’ve had your own season of loss this year as well. Here is your permission to sit with it. To wrestle with the feelings. To not have someone tell you to “look at the bright side”. Sometimes things just suck, and if we don’t give ourselves space to grieve, we are only putting band-aids on our life. If we don’t sit and get realer than real with Jesus, we won’t find true healing. Sit with your pain, but don’t sit alone. Sit at the feet of the only One who can truly say “I understand.” Sit and find grace. Sit and let him rebuild your heart one hour at a time. Sit and let him love you. Sit and cry with him. Sit and scream at the ceiling. Sit. Be still. Don’t run from this season. Feel your loss, yes. But feel his love also.
So then, since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.
Hebrews 4:14-16 NLT